r to the e to the verse

One of the most parts of my childhood were report cards. Do you remember that sick feeling you'd get when it was report card time? I was not a fan. It's not that I wasn't smart or that my grades were bad, it was that there was always the same comment that followed me throughout elementary, middle, and high school.  "Jessica is a great student but talks too much during class."  I got better at controlling it in high school. College was even better. I started to learn when it was appropriate to speak and better to sit quietly. Unfortunately, just because you get better at controlling your tongue, doesn't mean you master it.  I recently had an "oops" moment. I let my mouth fly off the handle. My words were careless. I spoke for a reaction and not a purpose. As soon as I spoke, I wished I could just reverse the clock and have a do-over of that situation. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that, although sometimes I wish it did. Nobody mentioned anything in the moment so I hoped my careless comments had slipped by without anyone taking notice. But that's not the way things work either. You speak and people listen. It's such a blessing and a curse. A woman that was there when I spoke and is sort of a mentor to me pulled me aside yesterday and corrected me. It stung, but I also know it was necessary. She wasn't mad at me, she just values me enough to correct me and hold me accountable to the things I say and do. I instantly took full responsibility for what I said but my first reaction was, "Get me out of here." I have a pretty weird reaction to accountability. I love it. I love that my friends love me enough to care about the things I say and do, but I never want to let people down so I am terrified of when I have to own up to things. For a twenty six year old woman, I still can act like a child a lot of the time.  I wish that I always made the right choice 100% of the time. I wish that the things I said were always good and lovely. I wish that my thoughts were always pure and Godly. I wish that I was better than I am, but I'm not. I'm just trudging through this world making one flip comment at a time and then tuckin' my tail. It's good to always be learning and growing, but sometimes I wish it didn't hurt like it does.