you'll need each other

"Hey friend, what are you doing right now?" I knew when she asked this that she wouldn't let me get out of pretending to be too busy to talk. Having friends that are counselors is sometimes the best thing and other times, it's really hard. This was one of the hard moments. We walked back to my apartment, parked ourselves in the office, and she asked how I was doing.

"I'm good, you know, just trying to get everything done." I forced a little smile, hoping that it might convince either of us.

"How's school going?," she asked. That's when I felt the thread snip, that little tiny thread that felt like it was holding it all together. I explained that I was overwhelmed academically. I talked about my internship, and although I've got three hundred hours under my belt, finishing these last hundred hours seems like a monumental task. I mentioned that I felt like I was struggling to keep my head above water right now.

School tumbled into work which then snowballed into life in general. I opened up about how I felt like I had been a bad friend recently, unable to make and keep plans with people because somehow school or work kept popping up. I explained, through tears, that I just felt isolated.

There are many words people would use to describe my job, but I doubt isolating would be one of them. You see, I live my life surrounded by 173 college freshman. I'm rarely alone, but for some reason, I've felt isolated in the midst of all these people.

My dear friend, bless her heart, reminded me of a very similar conversation we had two years ago, but where the roles were reversed. I remember sitting on the floor with her at our friends house as we were surrounded by bowls of lukewarm water, the idea of a girls pedicure night forgotten because life interrupted us. I remember her crying; she had just gotten married, was finishing up her Master's, and was working in the same department as myself but just felt so off balance. She talked about feeling isolated even though she was rarely alone. I remember not really identifying entirely, but sympathizing.

I have this really bad habit of retreating into myself when things feel off balance or peculiar. I hope that I can pull myself out of the slump or combat the feelings alone, but that doesn't work as well or as quickly as connecting with someone else. I have a hard time crying in front of people, which is strange seeing as how crying is practically my love language. I just don't want my problems to burden others, which is so silly because that's not a real thing. I tell my residents that on a regular basis. They are not a burden. It is a joy to go through life with others because we get to be there for the good, the bad, the hard, and the easy.

I've seen this print floating around the internet and I just love it. It's a great reminder for me to not retreat into myself, but to remember that we need each other. Even though that conversation with my friend was hard, and I tried to avoid it, I'm glad we had it. I felt better as soon as I started naming what had been burdening me. I know that it was helpful for her too because, whether I like it or not, she loves me and wants to be a part of the good and the bad.

SOURCE

sail camp & lessons learned from taking the plunge

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to go camping with twenty of my friends. Camping has been a really big part of my life, for like ever, although my camping looks different than a lot of other people's versions of camping. I grew up attending a camp in the Big Bear Mountains where we learned to identify plants, memorized the stories behind constellations, took lessons in archery, and other peculiar activities for a nine year old girl to participate in. My family also camps in Mexico every year, but we bring air mattresses, eat lobster and spaghetti, and have the options of showers. That is not your average person's camping experience, but it's definitely the Novello way.

I was a little intimidated and apprehensive to say yes to the trip because I was nervous that it would be too much. I am such a weirdo, I know. I don't even own a sleeping bag, so I knew I'd have to borrow everything. I didn't want anyone to notice that I was out of my comfort zone. I was afraid to say yes to what turned out to be a really wonderful and beautiful weekend because of fears that didn't even come true. I hate the paranoia that can sometimes keep me too fearful to live life well. I'm working on saying yes to thing before fear gets the best of me.

On Friday, I headed an hour out of Boise and met up with my pals. I was instantly taken aback by the beauty of my surroundings. Lucky Peak is a reservoir right outside of Boise and we were able to secure our little own camping area with a private dock. It was magical. We loaded up our belongings in Chad's sailboat and sailed across the reservoir to our little home.

I think one of my favorite things about the weekend was that there was no cell phone service. Any usage of a cell phone was solely for the purpose of taking pictures. This weekend was an exercise in being present. It's so easy to be with others while being in a different world completely. I find myself more concerned with my phone instead of the person in front of me. This weekend contained none of that. When someone talked, others listened. There was no checking your email, being simultaneously on instagram, or texting someone else. We were present with one another in the way that we have always been intended to be. 

There were some great leisurely moments spent on the sail boat, with the sun on your face and the water beneath you. Even after I got back last night, I still felt like my bed was rocking me to sleep. It was wonderful. I'm a water girl. Much of my childhood was spent in the water and a significant portion of that time, I spent pretending to be a mermaid. Being in a landlocked state, I get serious emoji heart eyes whenever I'm near water. 

Another fear that I had with saying yes to the trip was knowing that saying yes meant agreeing to spend time in a bathing suit in front of my friends. Bathing suits and I have a really long history of not getting along. We are like North and South Korea. I'm obviously South Korea and bathing suits are definitely North Korea. I love being in the water and being near it, but ironically, I'm always afraid of being in a bathing suit. One of the first things my friends did was get on their bathing suits and jump off the dock into the reservoir. I made excuses for why I wasn't out there as well. I realized that not participating in that activity was just so foolish. It was hotter than hades outside and not jumping into the reservoir was just foolish. My friend Diana and I counted to three and jumped in together, as I shouted "TOWANDA!" in my head. If you know what that is from, we are soup snakes. If you know what THAT is from, we are DOUBLE soul mates. After taking the plunge and catching my breath, I decided that some things were going to be different. I wasn't going to be afraid of my body or ashamed of it. I wasn't going to allow it to restrict me from doing the things that I wanted to do. I wasn't going to spend the weekend worrying about how I looked in a swimsuit or what other people thought of me. Frankly, that's a little vain and I needed to get over myself. No one was thinking about me quit as often as I assumed they were. 

Jumping in and taking the plunge was refreshing, both physically and spiritually. This weekend and the quiet moments I was able to steal for myself provided great thinking time of where I am and where I'm going. I'm learning to slow down, to invest in those around me, and to cast away the fear that I sometimes allow to cripple me. 

I'm grateful for these friends and this experience. I'm grateful for them teaching me, listening to me, and loving me in spite of myself. I'm grateful for the water, the sun, but not the snake that we saw in the outhouse. That thing gets no gratitude from me. I'm so grateful for the concept of community and this little one in a small town in Idaho that has welcomed me with open arms. I'm grateful for friends taking the plunge with you, even when they aren't entirely aware of what it represents for you. And I'm especially grateful for no cell phone service, corn hole tournaments, and sail boats. 

lets go to san diego, hey that's where all the kids go

This past week, I had the opportunity to travel to San Diego for a conference. This, to me, was the best case scenario. I'm getting to travel somewhere beautiful for a conference that also just happens to be the place I lived for twenty one years. My boss allowed me to book my ticket out a couple days early so that I could spend a little bit of time with my family before heading down south for our conference.  I'm always grateful to go home. I don't think I appreciated how beautiful and special my hometown was until I was gone. I had lived there my entire life and was ready to spread my wings. I was ready to grow up, find a new place, and figure out who I was. I'm so blessed to be where I am now, I'm very content in Idaho, but man, the ocean? I can't believe that I saw that almost every single day. I just stared at it when I went to the beach with my sisters. I couldn't get over how vast and expansive it is. I surely was spoiled by that view and I'm glad to get to return to it several times a year.

One thing that's peculiar about returning "home" is that my real home, where I lay my head, is a different place than where I grew up. California definitely feels like home, but the type of home that you don't live in anymore. Maybe it's like seeing the house you grew up in, realizing it's not yours anymore, but cherishing the time that you spent in that place and being grateful to it for helping to raise you. I don't have a room in my parents house anymore. That's understandable. I haven't lived there for over five years, but it's weird to return to stay with them and be in the guest room. I am a guest within my own home. That's a strange place to be.  None of what I've said so far is really what I intended to say in this post, I think I'm just processing through some things so bear with me. Let's get down to brass tactics, as my father would say. Can I just say that one thing I absolutely adore about my father is his ability to butcher the English language and colloquialisms? My mother is a logophile and it drives her absolutely bonkers that my father insists on saying things like "brass tactics" instead of brass tacks and "for all intensive purposes" instead of for all intents and purposes. It may drive her bonkers, but it absolutely tickles me. 

I'm just all over the board today, aren't I? I do really want to tell you all about my conference because it was absolutely fascinating, so I'm serious now, here we go. As most of you know, I'm a Resident Director at a private Christian liberal arts university in the Northwest. This past week, I had the opportunity to attend a conference specifically for the residential life professionals at our sister schools. Over 50 of us gathered at Point Loma to learn, worship, and grow together as continue to navigate our positions.  The speaker that they brought in for the conference is an authority in the area of emerging adults (18-29 year olds). He lectured on that age group and their college experience, presence in the church, and what they are looking for in life. I think sometimes I feel so disconnected from that specific age group although I'm still in it. I am in a position of authority over 18-20 year olds, yet a lot of my struggles, questions, and growth is similar to theirs.  After the lectures, we had the opportunity to gather in smaller family groups where we connected with the staff from other universities. I so appreciated the time to compare notes, verbally process the lectures, and exchange information. Our schools are all over the country, but so much of what we're doing is the same. We shared a lot of stories and it gave me a lot of peace to know that the issues I dealt with this year weren't entirely original. It's nice knowing that someone else out there can relate to your situation. 

I sometimes feel like people have a difficult time understanding what I do. My sister in law thinks I'm an RA and my grandmother is very concerned about me because I'm pretty sure she thinks that I'm unemployed. Sometimes when I try to explain that although I'm technically paid for 40 hours of work a week, my job is really 24/7, people can't grasp that. They have a difficult time understanding what that looks like. It was refreshing to be with a group of people who understand that entirely, who struggle with knowing when to shut their doors and turn their phones off, and who can identify with being a parent/older sibling/pastor/cop/counselor/etc to a 100+ students. 

I've heard that we might attend this conference every other year. I wish it was every year because I feel like I met so many wonderful people and it'd be a shame to not see them for a long time. I'm hopeful that the next university to hold is our sister school in Boston or Nashville. I could get behind a trip to either of those locations, for sure.  Has anyone ever attended a conference for work or pleasure that they would absolutely recommend? 

r to the e to the verse

One of the most parts of my childhood were report cards. Do you remember that sick feeling you'd get when it was report card time? I was not a fan. It's not that I wasn't smart or that my grades were bad, it was that there was always the same comment that followed me throughout elementary, middle, and high school.  "Jessica is a great student but talks too much during class."  I got better at controlling it in high school. College was even better. I started to learn when it was appropriate to speak and better to sit quietly. Unfortunately, just because you get better at controlling your tongue, doesn't mean you master it.  I recently had an "oops" moment. I let my mouth fly off the handle. My words were careless. I spoke for a reaction and not a purpose. As soon as I spoke, I wished I could just reverse the clock and have a do-over of that situation. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that, although sometimes I wish it did. Nobody mentioned anything in the moment so I hoped my careless comments had slipped by without anyone taking notice. But that's not the way things work either. You speak and people listen. It's such a blessing and a curse. A woman that was there when I spoke and is sort of a mentor to me pulled me aside yesterday and corrected me. It stung, but I also know it was necessary. She wasn't mad at me, she just values me enough to correct me and hold me accountable to the things I say and do. I instantly took full responsibility for what I said but my first reaction was, "Get me out of here." I have a pretty weird reaction to accountability. I love it. I love that my friends love me enough to care about the things I say and do, but I never want to let people down so I am terrified of when I have to own up to things. For a twenty six year old woman, I still can act like a child a lot of the time.  I wish that I always made the right choice 100% of the time. I wish that the things I said were always good and lovely. I wish that my thoughts were always pure and Godly. I wish that I was better than I am, but I'm not. I'm just trudging through this world making one flip comment at a time and then tuckin' my tail. It's good to always be learning and growing, but sometimes I wish it didn't hurt like it does. 

what's the word?

I've seen a couple posts floating around about people picking words to be a theme for their year. I was particularly inspired by this post by Erin. I began to think what sort of word or phrase I would want, but kept coming back to other ones that I had already seen people choose for themselves. I didn't want to be a copycat (that's still a term I use regularly) so I kept thinking, trying to find something that I felt like I was being called to.
I wanted a pretty word, something exciting, something that actually could capture what I wanted for 2014. I wanted something that would be pretty to blog about, something that would seem glamorous. I'm so flawed, my friends. I wanted to impress you, and that what was shaping my word search. 
The word that was pressed upon my heart after genuine thought and prayer was not a word that I had considered, but the more I think about it, it is exactly what the Lord is calling me to and what needs to shape my 2014:
Obedience. 
Oh my. I am such a silly creature. I wanted something impressive and pretty but what God gave me was the opposite of what my heart wanted, yet somehow exactly what I need. I need (and what I know my soul craves) is obedience... obedience to my Creator. 
Pastor Chris Brown says, "Obedience is the highest form of worship" and I agree with him wholeheartedly. When I am being obedient to what God is calling me to do, that is when I am worshipping Him most and honoring Him. When I decide to do what I want, regardless of the consequences, I am disobeying. Luckily, my God has an infinite supply of grace. Thank goodness because if there were any sort of cap on grace for the world, it would be all used on me because I am so flawed. 
This year I am going to be obedient, to go where God calls me, and do what I know He is asking of me. I know that I will fail many times, but hopefully I get there in the end. 
Did you pick a word or theme for the year?

the first semester: a recap

At noon today, I finished my first semester as the resident director of the freshmen girls dorm. There are a lot of things that surprised me about the past four months. Some things were good surprises, some things were hard surprises. But, as I look back over these past couple of months, I am overwhelmed with how good they were. The good always outweighed the bad. Even in moments of defeat, there was always someone who offered an encouraging word without knowing how important those words were in that moment. One of the more difficult lessons that I've learned is how to successfully be a boss. There are seven very different young ladies on my staff and each one of them have different strengths and different weaknesses. This means that my approach with each one is unique. It can't be the same because they aren't all the same. Unfortunately, I've learned that the hard way a couple of times. In addition to learning how to effectively guide different personalities has been learning how to toe the balance between boss and friend. When you live and work in the same environment, lines are blurred. Girls are in my home, I am in their home, we experience life together and that makes our bond very close. At the end of the day, I am in charge of them and have to remember that I'm not their friend. We get to be friendly, but I can't interact with them in the same way that I would interact with a friend.  Some of the best moments have been the unexpected moments: the times where you're up till two am just laughing about life, sharing stories about boys, and seeing everyone's distinct and fun personalities. I look at this group of girls that live in this dorm and I'm just blown away. They are so funny, talented, caring, and creative. They are just incredible. My RA's? I could go on forever. They are the biggest blessings. I didn't choose them but God surely provided the loveliest group of girls to help me through this year. I took them out to brunch on Sunday and told them that I never expected to fall in love with them. I knew I would like them and knew that we would have fun together, but I really do love them.  What have I learned about myself this semester? I've learned that I need to be gracious with myself. It's okay to need do-overs. It's okay to need second chances. It's okay to fail. I need grace on a daily basis, and that's okay. I've also learned that I have to take time for myself. I need to get a good night of sleep. I need to take hot baths filled with epsom salts and listen to relaxing music. I need to sometime lock the door to my apartment and spend quality time with Netflix. I really value time spent alone and I've realized that if I am not giving myself an adequate amount of time alone that I can't effectively care for the girls. I can't pour into them when I'm empty.  The first thing I did after the girls all checked out was ate a delicious lunch and took a two hour nap. It was the perfect way to start off this break. Next week, I head home for a wonderful twelve day break. I'm excited for warmth, sunshine, and sister time.

seattle

This past weekend I took a lovely little getaway to Seattle to visit my brother and some friends. Seattle is one of my favorite places. It's always wonderfully gloomy and there's something about being near water that my makes my heart so happy.  I ended up needing this little trip more than I ever could have imagined. It was so refreshing to spend time with some dear friends and just recharge. I felt completely restored by the end of the weekend and was completely ready to come back to Idaho and finish the semester like a champ.

My first stop was to meet up with my oldest brother Nicolas at the restaurant where he is a chef. We had planned to meet up for dinner and he definitely spoiled me. We started off with some homemade donut holes, moved on to the "ultimate grilled cheese" (brie, cheddar, & fried chicken on brioche toast with a side of poutine), and then split a pork chop. I consumed so much food. SO MUCH FOOD. 

One of my favorite things about the Pacific Northwest are all of the beautiful trees. I love the evergreen trees mixed in with the colorful fall leaves. I am not sure how to describe how it makes me feel, aside from the fact that it just warms my heart. 

There is something so special about people who know you and know you well. I was able to just exist this weekend. I didn't have to facilitate anything, be "on," or entertain anyone. I just got to be me and just got to rest. There was nothing overly incredible about the weekend, but it was my favorite because it was everything I needed in order to recharge. There's something so good for the soul in being surrounded by people who just love you, warts and all. 

I sort of hate that saying because I don't want you guys to think I have warts. I don't have ACTUAL warts, just personality warts or whatever they mean in that quote. 

it takes a village

You know that saying, "It takes a village to raise a child?" While I think that it is super applicable to raising children and growing up, I think it's bigger than that. I think the saying should be, "It takes a village to love a person" or something like that. It sounded a lot more eloquent in my head when I was thinking about it, but who needs eloquent when you have true, genuine love? As some of you know from instagram (@jessnovello), yesterday was my first real day of work. I've been employed with the university since August 1st, but my residents arrived yesterday. If this all sounds very foreign to you, check back HERE where I Kristen Wiig out a bit over my new job. I have been nervous about yesterday for the entire summer. I knew that day was coming. I knew it was the day I would meet my residents, their parents, and run around like a chicken with my head cut off. I hoped that the day would go smoothly, but I was fully prepared for tears. My tears, not the girls... although I knew that would come as well. I received countless text messages that day from friends and family who let me know they were praying for me, affirming me in my job, and encouraging me. My heart grew fuller with each message received. What a blessing to be thought about, prayed for, and encouraged with out asking for any of it.  What a blessing to be genuinely cared about and loved by a community. You know what? The day went perfectly. We had a couple hiccups, but I was never stressed out. I was calm. My RA's were prepared and we took care of everything that was presented to us. I could not have asked for a better day and I really believe that the power of prayer and positivity is what made the day go so seamlessly.  So forget about children and villages, just know that it takes a village to love a person and support them. Be a part of that village. Love on people and love them well.  EDIT: My bestie showed up about an hour ago with spinach/artichoke dip, brie, crackers, and nail polish. UGH. SO MUCH LOVE.