s h a m e

My heart has been abuzz lately with the movement of the Lord. This post is about to get all sorts of religious, so if that scares you, now is a good time to go. But, if that scares you, maybe you should read on because God is good and you need to know that.
I work with freshman girls. Some people have told me I'm crazy and there are seriously moments where I feel crazy. Then there are moments where I'm entirely convinced that I'm exactly where I am supposed to be doing what I am meant to do. I had a conversation the other night with one of my girls about sin, shame, and God's grace. We talked about our hearts and how they have been damaged. We talked about the sin and shame we carry from decisions we've made. You know what else we talked about? We talked about how God is so gracious and loves us in spite of every nasty thought we think, damaging word we utter, and poor decision we make. 
I feel like there is sometimes this thought that sneaks into Christian culture where people begin to think that a "good" Christian doesn't struggle. Baby girls, let me tell you. That is not true. We all struggle. We all make mistakes. And we all do things that we are not proud of. You know what we need to start doing? We need to start vocalizing those struggles out loud with our sisters. We need to take that very thing we are desperately trying to keep hidden and bring it right into the light. There are things about my life that I don't share with everyone. Things I think, "Well, I'll just deal with it on my own. I don't want anyone to think poorly of me." These thoughts plague me all the time, especially now that I'm in a position of leadership. There's parts of me that feel yucky, used, and filled with shame. But, I refuse to allow that to take hold of me. I am a slave to my sin no longer. 
Satan would love for you to keep your dirty laundry in the dark so that he can continue making you feel dirty, shameful, and worthless. Satan wants you to be ashamed of who you are. As long as you keep things hidden, he continues to use them against you and hold you in bondage. Bring those things to the light. Keep nothing hidden. There is nothing that you could say or do to shock anyone. It is such a scary thing but it is also the truest thing that I know. There is nothing more powerful than us speaking the name of our sins. Once we whatever it is we are trying to keep buried to light, it loses its power. Satan can no longer use that against you. There is no shame, there is no hiding, and their is no brokenness. There is power in our vulnerability and power in our desire to grow. 
I see a revival happening, primarily with the students I work with on a daily basis, but I know it's happening elsewhere. I see women choosing freedom, choosing the light, and choosing community. I see women speaking out against shame and speaking truth into each other's lives. 
I can't even begin to tell you how excited this makes me. It gives me butterflies. It makes me tap my feet. It makes me smile. God is so good. He wants to use you. He wants to heal you. You are a part of the story. You are important. He wants you to know the all encompassing power of His grace and redemption. 

tunesday: interview with torrey summer

I brag on these girls a lot, that's what happens when you have such talented friends. Summer and I have been friends for about eight years and with that friendship, I inherited her little sister Torrey as my surrogate little sister and dear friend. Although life has separated us a bit over the past couple years, we take every opportunity to see each other and when we're all together, it's always the best time. It has been so much fun to watch them journey through this experience over the past couple of years. They are so talented and I'm so excited that their EP is out now! I got to  do a mini interview with them earlier today and wanted to share some sneak peeks at what the future holds for my gal pals!

When did you two decide to make music together? We have both been singing our whole lives and writing songs for as long as we can remember, but it wasn't until about five years ago that we realized we had something special together. After that point we discovered what a huge passion it was of ours and we knew we had to pursue it.  What's your favorite venue that you've played and why? The Roxy! It's such an awesome venue. The staff is super nice, the sound is amazing, and there's so much history there. It's fun being on a stage that you know countless legends have also been on!
What's your favorite song off of the new EP? That's a tough one, but probably Kiss N Ditch. It tells such a great story while still being up beat and fun!

We've seen the video for Kiss N Ditch and what a hunk of a costar you had- who would be your dream video costar? Summer: Zachary Levi! He's so nerdy, cute, and seems really genuine! And he's 6'4! Holla! Torrey: The hottest guy I can find with long, curly hair and bare feet! He'd probably become my boyfriend afterwards haha.  What sort of events inspired this EP? This is a collection of songs that tell stories of love (or our dreams of love) and heartbreak. Lots of guys have made us really mad and really happy over the past two years that we've been writing this album. These songs are a journal of all those experiences. 

Who would you love to write music with? Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic! He is such an incredible song writer. We would also love to write with Jason Mraz.  What can we expect in the future from Torrey Summer?  Lots of new videos, songs, and photos. And hopefully a tour with Ed Sheeran!  For more info on Torrey Summer visit their website, facebook, twitter, or instagram! You can find their EP on Itunes and it's less than six bucks. Good music and a cheap price tag? That's a win/win.  

jessica makes something

I do not consider myself to be crafty in the slightest. I have attempted many a Pinterest projects and they usually just leave me feeling embarrassed (but not really). I wish I was a Martha, minus that whole insider trading thing. I wish I could see random things and have a vision of how they could go together in the cutest most lovely way. Alas, I have no such talent. 
I recently spent way too much money on my apartment but I needed dish towels. I looked at Target and didn't see anything that I wanted. I had a vision of what I was looking for in my head but I was not down for paying much. I decided to hand stamp some flour sack towels. It was seriously the easiest project ever and they turned out perfectly. If I can do this- you can do this. Trust me. 
Supplies wooden dowel flour sack towels acrylic paint cardboard or newspaper paper plate
The supplies cost me a whopping total of $6.66. I realize that the total is not ideal, but I was beyond frustrated and had to get out of the store so I had no energy to buy gum to change my total. The point is that I now have four super cute dish towels that cost me less than seven dollars!

The dowel I used was 5/8" in diameter and I felt like it was the perfect size. The dowel was pretty long so I broke it in half to make it easier to use. Now I have two dowels! Look at me, Thrifty Thelma! I also decided to use gold paint because gold is so festive and it just matched with my kitchen so well! I have been having a love affair with gold since I was in middle school and now that I'm grown up (ha!), it has found its way into a lot of my decorating/clothing. Also, please take note of my Mary Kate and Ashley coffee table book. It is such a fabulous read. Not even joking.
After dipping that little dowel thing in paint, I proceeded to make dots all over the towel. I recommend putting something beneath the towel since it's not very thick and will leave marks on whatever is beneath it. I learned this the hard way and spent a chunk of time scrubbing gold dots off of my coffee table. Blast. 

Gold also happens to go just perfectly with my beautiful red mixer! I can't wait until the weather cools a bit and baking becomes the norm. There's just something not so fall-ish about baking when it's still 90 degrees outside. I can't really enjoy pumpkin flavored baked goods until I can comfortably wear jeans. I also refuse to drink a pumpkin spice latte (just arrived in Boise!) until I can wear fall clothes. You can't rush the seasons and unfortunately while it should feel like fall, we've still got a lot of summer going on here. 

It's a good thing I'm not a DIY blogger because I basically gave the worst directions of all time. You're lucky that the project is so fool proof that you don't even really need directions. You just make dots and voila! You're left with a super cute towel that makes your kitchen infinitely more aesthetically pleasing while simultaneously leaving your wallet fuller. I am in favor of all of those things! Also, this project was pretty perfect because I was able to watch Jeopardy while doing it, and everything is better while Jeopardy is on. 

salt city

I am intentionally leaving the "lake" out of Salt Lake City because I was there for a whole twenty four hours and never even saw it, so I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist. What a sham! If it's such a great lake, wouldn't it be visible from anywhere in the city? Oh Salt City, I'm on to you.
Aside from Salt City losing their lake, the mini getaway to Utah was absolutely perfect. With the freshman off to a retreat for the weekend, I knew I had to take this opportunity to get out of town, relax, and spend some quality time with my best gal. We started devising this plan a couple of months ago when we realized that we both desperately needed to make trips to Ikea. Unfortunately, Idaho is void of an Ikea so that left us with Seattle, Portland, and Salt Lake City (Okay, so maybe we just missed the lake...) as options for a quick shopping trip. Lacey and I, being the frugal babes we are, made a big list of what our trip would cost at each destination. After doing our calculations, it appeared as though Salt Lake would be our cheapest (and closest!) destination so we decided to Hotwire a hotel. 
Sidenote- have you ever done that before? I did that for a trip to NYC a couple of years ago and it turned out perfectly, but for some reason, I was super nervous this time! We ended up getting a lovely hotel right in the downtown area that put us just minutes away from everything we wanted to see. Way to go Hotwire!
As soon as Laceface and I arrived in SLC, we checked into our hotel, changed, and ventured to Temple Square. Temple Square is a ten acre area downtown that houses the temple, monuments, statues, a visitor center, and tons of beautiful flowers. While Lacey and I aren't Mormon, we were excited the temple and explore the grounds after being stuck in the car for five hours. 

The temple was beautiful and the way that the light was shining through the clouds made it feel all sorts of dreamy. I attempted a jumping picture (I seriously love them- no shame) and failed so hard that it was just perfect. The number one rule of jumping pictures is you can't try them again. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo. 

We explored City Creek Mall which may be my new favorite shopping destination EVER. They have everything. E V E R Y T H I N G. West Elm? Check. Anthro? Duh. Lush? You betchya. Nordies? You fool, you really think that they wouldn't have Nordies? OF COURSE THEY HAVE NORDIES. I may have indulged a little bit at Lush and picked up some bath goodies. There's nothing like spoiling yourself and I'm pretty sure one of the best ways to do that is putting your laptop on your toilet seat, turning on 30 Rock, and taking a hot bath. I can't wait to add those Lush treats to my bath and feel extra spoiled.

The next day, Lace and I got down to business. It was time to conquer Ikea. I came prepared with a list printed from the website complete with aisle & bin information so that I would make the most of my short time in that Swedish warehouse. Three hours, a dollar amount that I won't divulge for fear of my father reading this, and a plate of Swedish meatballs later, it was finished. I had everything I came for, with a few added extras. That's just a given though. You can't go to Ikea and not pick up something that you never knew you needed. It's science, you wouldn't understand. 

 As I sit amongst a pile of boxes with my morning cup of coffee, I'm beginning to realize that I have the longest, most frustrating day ahead of me putting together all of this stuff. I have a screwdriver. Do I need much more than that? While you all rest today, I will labor. I will labor and as God as my witness, I will have a house full of furniture by the end of the day. 

it takes a village

You know that saying, "It takes a village to raise a child?" While I think that it is super applicable to raising children and growing up, I think it's bigger than that. I think the saying should be, "It takes a village to love a person" or something like that. It sounded a lot more eloquent in my head when I was thinking about it, but who needs eloquent when you have true, genuine love? As some of you know from instagram (@jessnovello), yesterday was my first real day of work. I've been employed with the university since August 1st, but my residents arrived yesterday. If this all sounds very foreign to you, check back HERE where I Kristen Wiig out a bit over my new job. I have been nervous about yesterday for the entire summer. I knew that day was coming. I knew it was the day I would meet my residents, their parents, and run around like a chicken with my head cut off. I hoped that the day would go smoothly, but I was fully prepared for tears. My tears, not the girls... although I knew that would come as well. I received countless text messages that day from friends and family who let me know they were praying for me, affirming me in my job, and encouraging me. My heart grew fuller with each message received. What a blessing to be thought about, prayed for, and encouraged with out asking for any of it.  What a blessing to be genuinely cared about and loved by a community. You know what? The day went perfectly. We had a couple hiccups, but I was never stressed out. I was calm. My RA's were prepared and we took care of everything that was presented to us. I could not have asked for a better day and I really believe that the power of prayer and positivity is what made the day go so seamlessly.  So forget about children and villages, just know that it takes a village to love a person and support them. Be a part of that village. Love on people and love them well.  EDIT: My bestie showed up about an hour ago with spinach/artichoke dip, brie, crackers, and nail polish. UGH. SO MUCH LOVE. 

i won't grow up (but one day i sort of did)

Today was an adult day. I don't know how else to explain it. I did so many grown up things in one day which is peculiar seeing as how I still very much feel like this cheeky babe:

Are you dead from seeing that picture? It is probably my favorite picture of myself in existence. Look at that foot pop! I was in pre-school. The 'tude has been in full effect since I was birthed in 1988. 

I digress.

Can you sit tight for a second while I tell you all about my grown up day? Pretty please? I started my day off at a meeting with Human Resources. I've never worked in a job before where there was a real human resources office. Actually, that is sort of a lie. I'm sure I have, but my sole interaction with them was signing new hire paperwork. There was nothing more to it than my name, the date, and probably a signature indicating I wouldn't do drugs. That one sure was hard to abide by. Not. There was a whole stack of paper regarding benefits, which I am still blown away by. I can go to the dentist without paying for everything out of pocket. What is this, Heaven? I signed up for a 401k which seems so strange because I really had no idea what it was before this morning. I had heard of it, obviously, but I didn't know exactly what it was nor did I understand what a great program it is. One of the perks (I actually don't think it can be called that) is that with my full time employment, I get a basic life insurance policy without having to pay into it or anything. It's just a small little chunk of money that I imagine would go towards burial, funeral, and all of those lovely things. Since I am oh so single (tell your brothers, ladies!), I chose my younger twin sisters as my beneficiaries with the thought that if anything were to happen to me (Morbid City, USA. Population: Me), the twins could put a portion of that money towards their education (I'd totes stick my parents with funeral fees. You brought me into the world, now pay to bring me out). Before that happened, I texted both of them and asked "Would you kill someone if you knew that when they died you were to receive a portion of money?" Luckily, both of them said they wouldn't, so I felt confident writing their names down. If I die and things seem wonky- it's the twins. Please make sure my story is made into a Lifetime Original Movie and please ensure that I'm not played by some dumpy d-list "actress." The twins can be played by Zack and Cody from that Disney Channel TV show. Yes, my sisters are girls, but they lost their ability to be played by cute girls in my movie when they decided to kill me. 

After all that paperwork, I went to my bank that shall remain nameless and decided to close my account. The bank was recently bought out by a different chain that's located solely in the Pacific Northwest. While I currently call that area home, I enjoy traveling and I spend a great deal of time in California so it would be a hassle to bank while I was elsewhere. I decided to open up with a new institution that has killer perks ($300 in cash just for opening a new account with direct deposit? Sign me up.) and super impressive customer service. This was my first time going through this process alone because I've had my other bank account since I was sixteen. It was exciting and now my mom can't have access to my money. Marmee would never touch a dime without permission but I like to tease her and pretend like she steals my money and uses it for street rat activities.

You probably don't think a day can get more adult than that, do ya? You're in for a big surprise seeing as how I also signed up for my own car insurance today. Yeah, that's right. My own policy. No more Poppa or Marmee on the insurance. Just me! I was so nervous because I figured it would be super expensive, but luckily I've never had a ticket, accident, or any other issue so I got a smokin' deal with State Farm. I also just knocked like crazy on my desk to ensure that my car doesn't explode tomorrow since I basically just bragged on my driving history. I originally just wanted to go with All State since President David Palmer is in the commercials, but his hands didn't give me as good of a deal as All State. Sorry Prez. 

You must be thinking, "Surely since her day was so adult-ish, her night must be equally as chic and grown up!" You know I would never let you down, so I'll give you a little peek into my super suave evening: Liz Lemon Greek Froyo (TO DIE FOR. TO. DIE. FOR.) in the carton with just a spoon, Frank Sinatra, and Netflix. It surely is a glamorous life I lead, friends.

I just realized that there should be a manual for growing up. There's so much that you need to know just about the logistics of adult paperwork that I feel like a handbook of some sorts would be incredibly helpful. Don't even get me started on taxes, that's a whole different animal that I'm terrified of. Maybe I'm the only 25 year old who feels like they are an adult because they pick beneficiaries, open a bank account, and start their own car insurance policy, but a little piece of me tells me that I'm not alone in this. 

So here's to growing up, resisting growing up, seeking the perfect balance between kid and adult, and hoping your sisters don't murder you for your life insurance policy. 

la famiglia

I've been spending time in California for the past couple of weeks with my family. It has been so good for my heart. I have loved spending time with my sisters and parents. Now that I'm an adult, I appreciate my family in such a new and special way. I see my parents as beautiful, incredible individuals and my sisters as such special and precious souls. I think I've started to see them like I've started to see myself, both as individuals and also as an integral part of a very special family unit. 
My family has always been close, but this year, there seems to be a renewed sense of closeness. I've noticed that with the passing of my uncles, hugs have gotten tighter, conversations have become more intentional, and any shared moment has been cause for celebration. 
This week, my family would have been gearing up to celebrate Uncle Tony's 60th birthday. It would have been the biggest, most joyous party filled with the best food imaginable. Instead, this Saturday we will visit his grave. My father will share a cigar and some red wine with his tombstone and we will celebrate a truly beautiful life that was taken way too soon. 
I know that everyone always says that you need to never leave your family or loved ones without declaring your love or being upset, but it's true. You never know the last moment you'll share with someone. Hug your loved ones tightly and shower them with affection.