on being alone

The message of this post has been weighing on my heart for a very long time. It's something I've sat down to write only to end up deleting everything, shutting my laptop, and vowing not to revisit the topic for fear of not saying what I actually mean or saying exactly what I  mean...
I am hopeful that this post will be exactly what I mean it to, but if it falls short or seems uncomfortable, I apologize. 
I am twenty five. That is nowhere near old. I recognize that in the grand scheme of things, I am very young. Most (not an exaggeration) of my dear friends are in serious or committed relationships. I am not. I am the unmarried pal and that is a role that I have never begrudged. I realize that my relationship status does not define me, but it is a big part of who I am. I think that there is this huge push in Christian culture to get married early, find your soul mate (If you want to know what I think on topic, read Hannah's post here. I agree with her entirely.), and start reproducing precious little felt board loving, scripture memorizing babies. That is not necessarily my path and I am learning to forgive myself for that. It's a weird concept, forgiving yourself for something that you really don't need to forgive yourself for, but I think that I had some strange expectations and I am okay with realizing that's not how it is going to be. 
When the topic of singleness is brought up, my friends are so completely encouraging. 
"How are you still single?" 
"You are such a great catch!"
"Any guy would be lucky to have you."
I appreciate their words, but on the flip side of that, it can almost makes me think, "Well what the hay is wrong with me then? What am I missing that they can't see?" It makes me feel like I am incomplete because I am just me, there is no Mister or beau. Just me. Just Jess.
I recently put myself out there in a way that made me feel terrified and very alive. I got a sudden burst of bravery and decided to just go for it. I knew that I was facing rejection, but I also felt like I needed to be honest with myself and take ownership of my feelings. I was describing it to my sister as though I were applying to a school I knew that I wouldn't get into. I said, "Camille, it's like if I were to apply to Harvard- I know I'm not getting in." She quickly reminded me that this particular gentleman was no Harvard. Just a guy. You know what I mean though. There was no false illusion of running off into the sunset holding hands. I just got brave and decided to be honest. Honesty is the best policy, right? I was rejected, in a very polite but real way and you know what? I'm okay. I cried because that's basically my spiritual gift and I just feel very intensely, but I didn't feel bad about myself at all. I was proud of myself for being vulnerable. It's not something that comes easily for anyone, but relational vulnerability adds this layer that seems to make everything even scarier. I was okay though. It reminded me that I am a person with feelings and I have the right to be honest about those feelings, I don't need to be embarrassed or lie about them. 
I have no idea what the future holds for me in regards to romantic relationships. I work at a university where the majority of my interactions are with college aged boys or with married coworkers. The city I live in isn't exactly a bustling metropolis. I don't want this to come off as whiney or like I feel like I'm missing something. I know that I'm okay. I know that I'm equally as wonderful single as I would be in a relationship. It can just be such a peculiar thing being single when the majority of people that I share my time with are married or dating. 
I don't really know what I think about being "called" to a certain thing or another. I think we sometimes have a way of projecting our desires onto what God wants for us. I certainly do not think that I am being called to singleness, but I am being called to faithfulness, regardless of what my relationship status is. I wouldn't say that I'm waiting, because that makes me feel like some damsel in distress and that is not what I'm about, but I am "waiting" for someone who makes the vulnerability, the emotions, and the honesty worth it. For now, I've got a new sparkly dress (I'm pretty sure they have healing properties) and episodes of Grey's Anatomy to watch. There are ten seasons of that show to watch- I will have enough to keep me busy for quite a while. 

seattle

This past weekend I took a lovely little getaway to Seattle to visit my brother and some friends. Seattle is one of my favorite places. It's always wonderfully gloomy and there's something about being near water that my makes my heart so happy.  I ended up needing this little trip more than I ever could have imagined. It was so refreshing to spend time with some dear friends and just recharge. I felt completely restored by the end of the weekend and was completely ready to come back to Idaho and finish the semester like a champ.

My first stop was to meet up with my oldest brother Nicolas at the restaurant where he is a chef. We had planned to meet up for dinner and he definitely spoiled me. We started off with some homemade donut holes, moved on to the "ultimate grilled cheese" (brie, cheddar, & fried chicken on brioche toast with a side of poutine), and then split a pork chop. I consumed so much food. SO MUCH FOOD. 

One of my favorite things about the Pacific Northwest are all of the beautiful trees. I love the evergreen trees mixed in with the colorful fall leaves. I am not sure how to describe how it makes me feel, aside from the fact that it just warms my heart. 

There is something so special about people who know you and know you well. I was able to just exist this weekend. I didn't have to facilitate anything, be "on," or entertain anyone. I just got to be me and just got to rest. There was nothing overly incredible about the weekend, but it was my favorite because it was everything I needed in order to recharge. There's something so good for the soul in being surrounded by people who just love you, warts and all. 

I sort of hate that saying because I don't want you guys to think I have warts. I don't have ACTUAL warts, just personality warts or whatever they mean in that quote. 

octobers

Octobers are for a lot of things. They are for making you fall in love with fall all over again. They are for introducing colder weather without making you freeze your little (or big) booty off. They are for changing leaves that coincidentally mimic the inevitable life changes that come with the tenth month of the year. 

They are seeing friends off as they embark on adventures. That's my dear pal Chad and he just left to go on tour with The Head and the Heart. He'll be back in five weeks and I can't wait to hear all of his stories. 

Octobers are for making applesauce and using cute little measuring cups. I just love Russian dolls. Did you know that? I just think they are the cutest. Oh, and somehow a bunch of these apples ended up on some vanilla ice cream. It was delicious.

                                      

Octobers are for seeing surprise shows. This show was "The Blow." I didn't think I knew their music, but it turns out that I did. You probably do to. They put on the weirdest show I've ever seen and that's saying a lot because I saw Prince at Coachella. Prince has nothing on these women. 

One of my most favorite parts of Octobers are that it is completely acceptable, if not expected, that you bake anything and everything pumpkin. Those are pumpkin spice cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Heaven's to Betsy! I don't want to toot my own horn, but toot stinkin' toot. 

I do love October. I really do. I also love November and the cooler parts of late September. I just really love fall. If I could find a place where it felt like fall year round, I would probably spend the rest of my life living as happily as a person could be. 

we interrupt this broadcast to announce...

that I am going to be an aunt!

That little bean, in the sideways ultrasound (because for the life of me, I could NOT figure out how to rotate it), is my future niece or nephew! I found out today that my brother and his fiance are expecting. She's three months along and I can't wait to see her in two weeks! She's going to have the cutest little belly. I can't believe that we will be adding a little babe to the Novello family! This will be the first grandchild for my parents and I know it's a role that they will excel in! 
Isn't life just so exciting? 

s h a m e

My heart has been abuzz lately with the movement of the Lord. This post is about to get all sorts of religious, so if that scares you, now is a good time to go. But, if that scares you, maybe you should read on because God is good and you need to know that.
I work with freshman girls. Some people have told me I'm crazy and there are seriously moments where I feel crazy. Then there are moments where I'm entirely convinced that I'm exactly where I am supposed to be doing what I am meant to do. I had a conversation the other night with one of my girls about sin, shame, and God's grace. We talked about our hearts and how they have been damaged. We talked about the sin and shame we carry from decisions we've made. You know what else we talked about? We talked about how God is so gracious and loves us in spite of every nasty thought we think, damaging word we utter, and poor decision we make. 
I feel like there is sometimes this thought that sneaks into Christian culture where people begin to think that a "good" Christian doesn't struggle. Baby girls, let me tell you. That is not true. We all struggle. We all make mistakes. And we all do things that we are not proud of. You know what we need to start doing? We need to start vocalizing those struggles out loud with our sisters. We need to take that very thing we are desperately trying to keep hidden and bring it right into the light. There are things about my life that I don't share with everyone. Things I think, "Well, I'll just deal with it on my own. I don't want anyone to think poorly of me." These thoughts plague me all the time, especially now that I'm in a position of leadership. There's parts of me that feel yucky, used, and filled with shame. But, I refuse to allow that to take hold of me. I am a slave to my sin no longer. 
Satan would love for you to keep your dirty laundry in the dark so that he can continue making you feel dirty, shameful, and worthless. Satan wants you to be ashamed of who you are. As long as you keep things hidden, he continues to use them against you and hold you in bondage. Bring those things to the light. Keep nothing hidden. There is nothing that you could say or do to shock anyone. It is such a scary thing but it is also the truest thing that I know. There is nothing more powerful than us speaking the name of our sins. Once we whatever it is we are trying to keep buried to light, it loses its power. Satan can no longer use that against you. There is no shame, there is no hiding, and their is no brokenness. There is power in our vulnerability and power in our desire to grow. 
I see a revival happening, primarily with the students I work with on a daily basis, but I know it's happening elsewhere. I see women choosing freedom, choosing the light, and choosing community. I see women speaking out against shame and speaking truth into each other's lives. 
I can't even begin to tell you how excited this makes me. It gives me butterflies. It makes me tap my feet. It makes me smile. God is so good. He wants to use you. He wants to heal you. You are a part of the story. You are important. He wants you to know the all encompassing power of His grace and redemption. 

tunesday: interview with torrey summer

I brag on these girls a lot, that's what happens when you have such talented friends. Summer and I have been friends for about eight years and with that friendship, I inherited her little sister Torrey as my surrogate little sister and dear friend. Although life has separated us a bit over the past couple years, we take every opportunity to see each other and when we're all together, it's always the best time. It has been so much fun to watch them journey through this experience over the past couple of years. They are so talented and I'm so excited that their EP is out now! I got to  do a mini interview with them earlier today and wanted to share some sneak peeks at what the future holds for my gal pals!

When did you two decide to make music together? We have both been singing our whole lives and writing songs for as long as we can remember, but it wasn't until about five years ago that we realized we had something special together. After that point we discovered what a huge passion it was of ours and we knew we had to pursue it.  What's your favorite venue that you've played and why? The Roxy! It's such an awesome venue. The staff is super nice, the sound is amazing, and there's so much history there. It's fun being on a stage that you know countless legends have also been on!
What's your favorite song off of the new EP? That's a tough one, but probably Kiss N Ditch. It tells such a great story while still being up beat and fun!

We've seen the video for Kiss N Ditch and what a hunk of a costar you had- who would be your dream video costar? Summer: Zachary Levi! He's so nerdy, cute, and seems really genuine! And he's 6'4! Holla! Torrey: The hottest guy I can find with long, curly hair and bare feet! He'd probably become my boyfriend afterwards haha.  What sort of events inspired this EP? This is a collection of songs that tell stories of love (or our dreams of love) and heartbreak. Lots of guys have made us really mad and really happy over the past two years that we've been writing this album. These songs are a journal of all those experiences. 

Who would you love to write music with? Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic! He is such an incredible song writer. We would also love to write with Jason Mraz.  What can we expect in the future from Torrey Summer?  Lots of new videos, songs, and photos. And hopefully a tour with Ed Sheeran!  For more info on Torrey Summer visit their website, facebook, twitter, or instagram! You can find their EP on Itunes and it's less than six bucks. Good music and a cheap price tag? That's a win/win.  

jessica makes something

I do not consider myself to be crafty in the slightest. I have attempted many a Pinterest projects and they usually just leave me feeling embarrassed (but not really). I wish I was a Martha, minus that whole insider trading thing. I wish I could see random things and have a vision of how they could go together in the cutest most lovely way. Alas, I have no such talent. 
I recently spent way too much money on my apartment but I needed dish towels. I looked at Target and didn't see anything that I wanted. I had a vision of what I was looking for in my head but I was not down for paying much. I decided to hand stamp some flour sack towels. It was seriously the easiest project ever and they turned out perfectly. If I can do this- you can do this. Trust me. 
Supplies wooden dowel flour sack towels acrylic paint cardboard or newspaper paper plate
The supplies cost me a whopping total of $6.66. I realize that the total is not ideal, but I was beyond frustrated and had to get out of the store so I had no energy to buy gum to change my total. The point is that I now have four super cute dish towels that cost me less than seven dollars!

The dowel I used was 5/8" in diameter and I felt like it was the perfect size. The dowel was pretty long so I broke it in half to make it easier to use. Now I have two dowels! Look at me, Thrifty Thelma! I also decided to use gold paint because gold is so festive and it just matched with my kitchen so well! I have been having a love affair with gold since I was in middle school and now that I'm grown up (ha!), it has found its way into a lot of my decorating/clothing. Also, please take note of my Mary Kate and Ashley coffee table book. It is such a fabulous read. Not even joking.
After dipping that little dowel thing in paint, I proceeded to make dots all over the towel. I recommend putting something beneath the towel since it's not very thick and will leave marks on whatever is beneath it. I learned this the hard way and spent a chunk of time scrubbing gold dots off of my coffee table. Blast. 

Gold also happens to go just perfectly with my beautiful red mixer! I can't wait until the weather cools a bit and baking becomes the norm. There's just something not so fall-ish about baking when it's still 90 degrees outside. I can't really enjoy pumpkin flavored baked goods until I can comfortably wear jeans. I also refuse to drink a pumpkin spice latte (just arrived in Boise!) until I can wear fall clothes. You can't rush the seasons and unfortunately while it should feel like fall, we've still got a lot of summer going on here. 

It's a good thing I'm not a DIY blogger because I basically gave the worst directions of all time. You're lucky that the project is so fool proof that you don't even really need directions. You just make dots and voila! You're left with a super cute towel that makes your kitchen infinitely more aesthetically pleasing while simultaneously leaving your wallet fuller. I am in favor of all of those things! Also, this project was pretty perfect because I was able to watch Jeopardy while doing it, and everything is better while Jeopardy is on.