thou shall not stress

Recently, I've been feeling more stress than normal. It's not that there's more stress in my life, it's that it's been manifesting itself in a more real way than it does previously. Wanna know how I know this? GRAY HAIRS. Come on. I'm not even twenty seven. This whole gray hair business is just downright unfair. I should be able to bill the universe for costly salon visits. Instead of sending invoices tied to balloons, I've my extensive experience of being stressed to come up with a little list that's more helpful than balloons. Unless it's popping balloons- that always works.

1. Take a bath.

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I'm a HUGE bath person. I take baths on the reg and love it. It's not my go to way of cleaning myself because let's be real, it's a dirty little pool. I'm a huge fan of showering and then bathing (can't be too clean) or just drawing up a hot bath and soaking till I'm a little old prune. Adding epsom salts or bath bombs (from Lush, for sure) is a great way to draw out toxins or just have a really delicious smelling bath. Just beware- Lush's bath bombs can usually turn your tub super fun colors, but you'll probably want to clean it afterwards. My whole tub was purple last night, but I was completely relaxed. I'd call that a win.

2. Lavender Oil

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I can't sing the praises of Lavender Oil loudly enough. I swear by this stuff. I keep a roller ball of lavender and carrier oil in my purse at all times just in case I can sense myself getting anxious or stressed. When that happens, I put a little oil on my hands, rub it together, and then cup my nose breathing deeply a handful of times. It's become part of my daily life and sometimes it's just because it smells so dang good. Every night before bed, I rub the oil on my feet (your feet have such large pores on them so it just soaks this stuff up!) and put some right under my nose so I can smell it as I go to sleep. I have trouble falling asleep and it's been really helpful in lulling me to sleep in such a gentle way.

3. Dance It Out

There is nothing better than a quick dance party to (literally) shake it off. Whether you're alone or with a friend, I recommend cranking up the jams (I'm so hip with the hoppin' lingo) and dancing like an absolute fool. There's something seriously cathartic about a quick dance party. Some of my favorite dance jams are "Brave" by Sara Bareilles (especially if you're stressed or anxious about a situation!), "Octohate" by Ryn Weaver (gotta give old friends a little lovin'), or "Boom Clap" by Charli XCX. There's something about each of those songs that makes me tap my toes and and shake my groove thang.

4. Text "Your Person."

Yes, another Grey's reference, but come on, how could I not? My sister Camille is my person. We're similar in so many ways, but she's more outspoken and brave than I am in a lot of situations. I appreciate it so much because she can pull me out of stressful or emotional situations and remind me to have some perspective. She's also good at calling things like she see's them. When I'm stressed or scared, she's one of the first people I turn to because she's good at listening but also good at making me laugh and reminding me that everything really is going to be okay.

5. Journal

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I believe in the power of writing. It helps me process through everything in my life, whether it be school, work, friends, or whatever. One of my favorite aspects of journaling is being able to go back through these little autobiographies and see just how faithful God has been. I remember journaling regularly in South Korea and speaking a lot of fears and stresses into those pages, but towards the end, everything came full circle. Writing through everything helps me keep things in perspective which is really helpful when I can easily succumb to an "EVERYTHING IS BROKEN AND WILL NEVER BE FIXED AGAIN" mentality. Some call that being a drama queen, I call it being a "feeler."

So next time, instead of weeping softly into peanut butter chocolate ice cream (WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE), pick one of these little tips and let the stress roll off your back.

home sweet home

I absolutely love seeing little sneak peaks into other people's homes, call me nosy, but there's just something so interesting about seeing how others have made their spaces their own. I've had the intention of sharing my space for a while, but I've always put it off hoping that things would become more complete and "share ready." I was contacted recently by Urban Compass about a project they've started called "Starter Stories." They've been sharing different people's starter homes, tips for creating a home, and information on how they found their places. Urban Compass is a website that helps connect people with homes/apartments in New York city based on their tastes and hobbies. You can find their neighborhood guide here where you can peruse different NYC neighborhoods and find information on what the culture of that area is like as well as what makes that specific area unique. I've always had this fantasy of living in New York (in a Brownstone of course!) so now I have a great resource in case that pipe dream ever comes true!

I've lived in my tiny little apartment for over a year now and it's amazing to me how quickly it felt like home when I moved in. I've never really had a place of my own before because I went from living with my parents, to moving to college, to moving to South Korea, to an intentional community house, to this little apartment inside of a residence hall. I guess I had my own place in South Korea, but it was smaller than a studio apartment inside of a high rise building and while it was comfortable, I knew that it was always for a short period of time which kept me from really nesting.

While this is technically "my own place" it's also technically not. You see, I'm a Resident's Director for freshman girls. I share my home with over 170 other girls, but I have my own self sufficient apartment on the first floor. I knew when I got this job that my life would be crazy so it was super important to me to have my personal space be calm, clean, and representative of who I am. It needed to be a place where I could recharge.

This is one of my favorite pieces in my house because there's all sorts of treasures on it!

I feel like I've been able to pull that off fairly well considering that I'm limited on the aesthetic changes that I can make to the apartment and also considering that I operate on a very strict budget (student loans are a doozy, am I right?). When I first moved into my apartment all I had (furniture wise) was a kitchen table, a mattress, a coffee table, and some second hand couches that had been gifted to me. The couches were in pretty bad condition and so one of the first things I did was start lurking on Craigslist to see if I could find anything I liked for a decent price. What I learned from that experience was that couches are crazy expensive and people have very different interpretations of the word vintage. I ended up finding this set that I liked for a decent price and purchased it right away. It's not my favorite pattern, but it's clean, the pieces are comfortable, and I got a screaming deal on them.

My best friend and I quickly scheduled a trip to Ikea and I began researching pieces I'd want. Ikea's website is awesome because you can put in which store you'll be purchasing from and they'll tell you exactly what aisle/section your goods are in. It helped me to not get overwhelmed by that giant Swedish Disneyland and to make sure that I kept within my budget.

One thing that I learned through this experience of creating a little home was that it doesn't happen overnight. You accumulate things, you find treasures, and you slowly add to your growing little nest. It's fun to look around this space and see different things that have been gifted to me or thrifted and be able to have a story to tell. There were pieces that I wanted in my home that were far outside of my budget (here's looking at you West Elm!) so I did my best to recreate them or find cheaper substitutes.

My favorite places to shop throughout this process have been local thrift stores like the DI, Savers, and Goodwill, Etsy, Ikea, and Target. If I had a billion dollars, I may have picked everything from Anthropologie, West Elm, and Pottery Barn, but I don't have that sort of income and I'm quite pleased with my budget friendly little abode. I've learned that a house is not made overnight, and while you can stuff your space full of beautiful things, that doesn't necessarily make a home. My favorite things about my home aren't necessarily the cute yellow barstools that I got for my birthday (although I do love them!), or the print of my favorite lyrics that I found on Etsy, but the people that have come through my home and created memories here. That's what I love most about my little starter home.

wednesday wanderings

I realize the title of this implies that I posted this on Wednesday, but it's a little misleading. I am definitely posting this on Thursday morning, but my intent was to post yesterday, so let's roll with it.

These past couple of weeks have been tough. My grandmother passed away unexpectedly last week. I'm still trying to process it all. Instead of sharing my own thoughts right now, I wanted to share some others that I've stumbled across. I have several friends that do posts like this and I love that I get pointed all over the internet. So now, I present to you, Wednesday Wanderings which maybe at some point in time will actually be posted on a real Wednesday.

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If you read one thing this week, read THIS. My dear friend Samantha from Little Petunia in an Onion Patch wrote an incredible post on the word "bitch" and it is my favorite thing ever. I sometimes feel this disconnect between wanting to be a strong, independent woman and also loving a little bit of tradition. It's almost like we're told that as women, we can't do both of those things. We have to choose. Well, Sam rips that to shreds and I'm just standing in front of my computer slow clapping. Get it girl.

Have you seen the trailer for "The Theory of Everything" yet? Do yourself a favor, watch the trailer and then get your booty to the theater and see the movie. I saw it last night and oh my goodness, it's incredible. It takes a lot for me to actually pay to see a film, but I'm so glad I made the investment to see this movie. If Eddie Redmayne isn't nominated for an Academy Award, then this whole entire world is rubbish. This movie was all over the board- I laughed, I cried, I got super angry, I laughed again, and then I just wept like a little baby. Isn't that the best kind of movie?

My big brother is a fancy pants chef in Seattle and was featured in this article a couple of days ago. He's the chef at a restaurant called Skillet that specializes in modern American comfort food but with a ritzy glitzy twist. When I go to the restaurant, I always let him order for me and I've yet to be disappointed. Grilled cheese (brie, american, AND cheddar) on brioche toast with bacon jam and a fried chicken thigh? Oh brother bear, you have outdone yourself. Everything on the menu is tops. If you're in Seattle, go see him and eat till you need a nap.

Also, ModCloth is having a huge sale on dresses. Excuse me while I go spend my entire paycheck. Go do the same so I don't feel as guilty please.

PEACE & BLESSINGS YA'LL

when it's time to say goodbye

I'm the type of person who likes their friends to be lifelong. Once you're in my life, with few exceptions, I want you to stay there. I've always been this way. I blame my mother and love of relationships for this rosy outlook on friendship.

I've never really been bullied. I mean, there were definitely girls who were mean to me, but I don't remember it being even a fraction of what kids are experiencing today. I remember Whitney picking on me at Winter Retreat. Ironically enough, it was a church camp and she was in my small group.

I've only had a "friend break-up" once and it was mostly just me taking a break. This person and I had been friends for over ten years. I loved this person, but it seemed like our friendship became something I tended to out of obligation. There wasn't much joy left in it. I felt guilty for the fact that things were different. I felt guilty for liking my life while knowing how unhappy this person was. Maybe those are things I projected onto them, but every time their name came onto my screen, I felt uncomfortable. I was always bracing myself for what came next. We finally talked and I explained that things just felt different and I was sorry that they were that way, but I wasn't sure what to do. This person and I, once inseparable, took big steps back from each other. We still have a relationship, but it's nowhere near what it was when we were younger. We see each other sometimes and to be honest, occasionally it feels obligatory, but I feel heaps healthier, mentally and emotionally, than I did when we were in the thick of it.

I met someone a while back who quickly became a good friend. We naturally clicked and I was grateful for this new addition to my life. About a year or so into the relationship, this person became a little snippy with me. It wasn't anything huge or devastating, but it was enough to where it felt strange. I brushed it off and attributed it to stress. It didn't happen again for a while, but then it did. It made me feel so small each and every time it happened. Things got better, seemed back to normal. We spent time together. We laughed. I felt connected to this person again. Then, the snapping, the snide comments, the shortness all started happening more frequently. There weren't the gaps in it that there used to be. It was hard to shake off. It was and is currently also very hard not to internalize. I'm far more sensitive than people can usually tell. I get my feelings hurt pretty easily, but I'm also able to bounce back quickly. My ability to bounce back with this person got harder and harder. It's like I was a stretched out rubber band. I lost my elasticity. I was getting worn out. I didn't really like who I was around this person. I felt more guarded, more aware of everything about myself, and it was incredibly stressful.

It finally came to a breaking point the other night.

I realized, after being hurt again, that this would be the new normal. This was becoming standard. I know that people go through seasons and sometimes we need to journey alongside people who maybe aren't being the biggest rays of sunshine, but this was different. This "friendship" was causing me more stress and anxiety than any other relationship in my life. That's not a friendship.

I've made a conscious decision to step back from this person. It doesn't need to be dramatic, it doesn't need to impact anyone other than the two of us, but it has to happen. It needs to happen. My health, my emotions, and my spirit depend on it. There comes a time in some relationships, I'm learning, where it is best to say goodbye. Sometimes it will come quickly and sometimes it will come years into the relationship. There's nothing useful in holding on to something that's broken. It just gets more frustrating as you clutch that broken thing wondering why it isn't working and how come it can't be fixed. Sometimes you just have to say goodbye to it. Move past it.

I'm learning that I'm worth protecting and keeping people in my life who do nothing but bring me down is not a good way of living. One of the biggest blessings in my life has been the quality of relationships that I've been lucky enough to make. I have truly hit the jackpot with friends. I'm so grateful for those relationships because they show me what friendships should be like.

Have you ever had to say goodbye to a friend? What did you do?

you'll need each other

"Hey friend, what are you doing right now?" I knew when she asked this that she wouldn't let me get out of pretending to be too busy to talk. Having friends that are counselors is sometimes the best thing and other times, it's really hard. This was one of the hard moments. We walked back to my apartment, parked ourselves in the office, and she asked how I was doing.

"I'm good, you know, just trying to get everything done." I forced a little smile, hoping that it might convince either of us.

"How's school going?," she asked. That's when I felt the thread snip, that little tiny thread that felt like it was holding it all together. I explained that I was overwhelmed academically. I talked about my internship, and although I've got three hundred hours under my belt, finishing these last hundred hours seems like a monumental task. I mentioned that I felt like I was struggling to keep my head above water right now.

School tumbled into work which then snowballed into life in general. I opened up about how I felt like I had been a bad friend recently, unable to make and keep plans with people because somehow school or work kept popping up. I explained, through tears, that I just felt isolated.

There are many words people would use to describe my job, but I doubt isolating would be one of them. You see, I live my life surrounded by 173 college freshman. I'm rarely alone, but for some reason, I've felt isolated in the midst of all these people.

My dear friend, bless her heart, reminded me of a very similar conversation we had two years ago, but where the roles were reversed. I remember sitting on the floor with her at our friends house as we were surrounded by bowls of lukewarm water, the idea of a girls pedicure night forgotten because life interrupted us. I remember her crying; she had just gotten married, was finishing up her Master's, and was working in the same department as myself but just felt so off balance. She talked about feeling isolated even though she was rarely alone. I remember not really identifying entirely, but sympathizing.

I have this really bad habit of retreating into myself when things feel off balance or peculiar. I hope that I can pull myself out of the slump or combat the feelings alone, but that doesn't work as well or as quickly as connecting with someone else. I have a hard time crying in front of people, which is strange seeing as how crying is practically my love language. I just don't want my problems to burden others, which is so silly because that's not a real thing. I tell my residents that on a regular basis. They are not a burden. It is a joy to go through life with others because we get to be there for the good, the bad, the hard, and the easy.

I've seen this print floating around the internet and I just love it. It's a great reminder for me to not retreat into myself, but to remember that we need each other. Even though that conversation with my friend was hard, and I tried to avoid it, I'm glad we had it. I felt better as soon as I started naming what had been burdening me. I know that it was helpful for her too because, whether I like it or not, she loves me and wants to be a part of the good and the bad.

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mr. brook(s) goes to mccall

So if you follow me on insta then you probably noticed that yesterday, I met Brooks Forester from season 9 of The Bachelorette. If you know anything about me, you know that the Bach is a major guilty pleasure of mine. I usually blog recaps of the episodes but was so burnt out (slightly dramatic, no?) from Juan Pablo's season that I couldn't bring myself to watch, let alone write about, Andi's season.

I already decided, in my brain, to watch and start back up my bach caps for this upcoming season when I received the ultimate sign from God that I was making the right choice. Also, please note that I'm being mostly sarcastic.

I was up in Cascade, Idaho this past weekend for with the Freshman class. We had several hours of free time on Sunday and a big group decided to head into McCall. I adore McCall. It's like a tinier Tahoe and is absolutely one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Imagine a billion trees, a lake with no end in sight, mixed with the charm of small town Idaho and you've got a basic idea of what McCall is like. I was sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops, Fogglifter Cafe, enjoying a much needed almond latte when two of my freshmen girls run in.

"OH MY GOSH. GUESS WHO WE JUST MET?!"

My thoughts instantly go to Demi Moore or Bruce Willis because they both had/have homes in Idaho and it wouldn't be entirely peculiar to see them in McCall.

"BROOKS FROM THE BACHELOR!"

I immediately look at my friend Jen, who is a huge fan of The Bachelor, and we both ask where, gather our things, and proceed to leave the coffee shop and five of our coworkers behind. At this point, Grant (Jen's husband and a good friend of mine) says, "Jen, don't forget that you're married. To me. We're married. Jess, you're fine. Jen, you're married."

These two girls start walking with Jen and I down the main street and we get to the end of where the shops/restaurants are and admit defeat. We start to cross the street to head back to the cafe when one of the girls says, "THERE HE IS!" and points with the entire force of her arm across the crosswalk where Brooks is about to cross. He was an entire ten feet from us when this happened and I instantly put my hand over my face and started shaking my head. I apologize to him and then said, "We heard you were up here from these girls and we were hoping that we could get a picture with you." He took off his sunglasses, extended his hand, and said, "Of course. I'm Brooks. Nice to meet you." I extend my hand which is surprisingly not sweaty (if you know me, you know that sweaty palms is my love language) and say, "Nice to meet you too." He then asks what my name is, which I'm pretty sure he was only asking for so that he could say it with his last name since we obviously shared a very beautiful connection. Jen and I take the picture with him and then he starts asking what we're doing in McCall and where we are from. We told him that we both live and work in Nampa when he proceeds to say, "I grew up in Nampa. I went to Skyview High School." Gal pals, I knew that he had some tie to Boise because he came back here to talk to his mom when he was on Des' season, but I did not know that he went to high school a whole five minutes from where I live. We continued making some small talk where we realize that we probably know some of the same people. He asks what we do and we tell him that we both work for NNU and he then says, "Oh, I knew some people who went there. I think a couple of them had trouble getting into Master's programs because of some accreditation things." I looked towards the two freshmen girls and said, "Girls, do not listen to this man, he is a liar." We all start laughing, including Brooks and his brother. Phew. "You know, if you wanted a really great college experience, you could go where I went in Utah. Great academics, great athletics, part of the Pac-12..." I interrupted him and said, "Nobody likes a bragger, Brooks." He laughs again and then takes my hand in his. It fits perfectly. He gets down on one knee, pulls a little velvet box from his pocket with a ring inside that would make even Neil Lane swoon and says, "It's Jessica, right? Will you marry me?"

So that last part did not happen, but I did call him a bragger. We made a little more small talk, thanked him for being so kind and letting us bother him, and then left. Jen looks over at me as soon as we're far enough away and says, "You guys were bantering back and forth. He was loving it."

About an hour later, I was sitting by the lake reading a book with several of my coworkers when Brooks and his brother walk by on the path in front of us. He looks over at me, waves, and said, "Hey." I said hi and laid back with my book in hand, LIKE IT WAS NO THING AT ALL THAT HE REMEMBERED ME AND THOUGHT TO SAY HELLO AGAIN.

My coworkers all had a mild freak out moment because I was being so nonchalant about the whole thing. I was just eaten' it up. So, there you have it. If Brooks and I ever get married, you're all invited. Fran, Hannah, and Kasey- you ladies will be flower girls (since you love the bach and are probably the only ones aside from my momma who read my recaps) and will be pulled in a wagon by bachelor contestants. You'll wear matching dresses and flower crowns.

There you have it. The proof. The magic. The picture that will obviously start out our wedding slideshow. Now, if only I could figure out how to photoshop out Jen and Booty McGee in the background. Sorry Jen. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

four tips for new leaders

Every year, before the hoards of students arrive back on campus, the office I work for takes all of the student leaders on a retreat. I went as a student and loved it. It's a great time to enter the year intentionally, connect with other offices/leaders on campus, and enjoy the last little bit of summer before the year kicks off. One of my favorite parts of the several days we spend up in the beautiful mountains of Idaho are the seminars that are given by staff. I love learning and I especially love learning from my coworkers. They all have such a rich and valuable involvement in Student Development and I'm appreciative of any opportunity I have to hear from them.

This year, my boss asked me to give a seminar. If there's one thing you need to know about me, it's that I hate public speaking. That surprises a lot of people because I tend to be pretty outgoing but tell me I have to speak in front of people, especially a larger group, and I get all sorts of woozy. In high school, all the seniors had to a fifteen minute presentation in front of a group of teachers, administrative personnel, and members from the community where we talked about what we wanted to accomplish with our lives and where we wanted to end up after high school. Looking back, that was a really valuable experience because it gave me experience speaking and got me thinking seriously about what I wanted to do with my life. At the time, I remember thinking that I should run my car into the median on the way over to the presentation so I could have a valid excuse for why I couldn't give the presentation. You'd be horrified if you knew how seriously I thought of that.

Of course I agreed to give the presentation because I can't really tell my boss "no" and because I'm trying to continually push myself slightly outside of my comfort zone. Because I'm relatively new to my position, I decided to address the "new" leaders on campus and give them four pointers for making their first position successful. My coworker, Mark, who is in his tenth year, gave one on four tips for "old" leaders, or those who have held other leadership positions before.

I'm going to share that presentation with you now, in blog form, as a way to remind myself of how to be successful as I enter my second year, but also in hopes that maybe it can spark a thought or idea in ya'll.

1. Create a Vision

The first year of any leadership can be a little bit overwhelming. You come in fresh faced with all of your hopes and dreams, and sometimes you can be smacked right in the face with unanticipated responsibilities or de facto policy. Use this as an opportunity to create a vision for yourself in this position. What do you want to accomplish? Set goals- they don't all have to be big and lofty, they can be small and attainable. Just give yourself something to work towards. It can also be quite easy to focus on the big things, but don't underestimate the power of the small things. Sometimes the smallest things can be what matter most to a person.

2. Find a Mentor

Use your first year as an opportunity to connect with someone older and wiser who can help hold you accountable. Create an intentional time to get together with them where you can ask questions, seek guidance, and learn. As an MSW student, I have to meet with a professor once a week for "supervision." I am so grateful for this time because it provides me with a place to ask questions, talk about what's happening in the program and my internship, and just learn from someone who has done this all before. This mentor may also push you out of your comfort zone, but that is good because that is where growth occurs. Believe them, trust them, and learn from them. You'll be better for it.

3. Be Teachable

As someone who is "the boss" of a team, nothing drives me more bonkers than someone who is a know it all. You do not know it all and that is not a bad thing! Accept that you have much to learn about being a leader and about your position of leadership. Seek opportunities where you can learn and don't shy away from "teachable" moments. Those can be painful and tough, but there is gold in each of those moments if you allow yourself to learn from them. Make space for compliments and criticism- there is something to be gleaned from both.

4. Do Your Thang

Don't treat your position like you're just "filling in" for the person who held it before you. I struggled a lot with that last year. The woman who held my job previously had been in it for five years. People loved her. This job was her life. I really had a difficult time at first because I didn't let myself settle into the job and take it over. I wondered how she would have done things, did things the way she trained me to do, and even worked with a team that she had picked. She was great at this job, but it's my job now and I needed to make it my own. I'm feeling so much more freedom and confidence in my second year. I'm more confident in why I was hired and I have more ownership over the position. Because of this, I enjoy it so much more. 

There you have it folks. You better believe I used those pictures in my slides in front of 100 college students and all of my coworkers. I hope that these can be of use to you or someone you know. As you can tell, I survived the presentation and only had to wipe my sweaty palms on my pants one time. I'd say that's a great success.