r to the e to the verse

One of the most parts of my childhood were report cards. Do you remember that sick feeling you'd get when it was report card time? I was not a fan. It's not that I wasn't smart or that my grades were bad, it was that there was always the same comment that followed me throughout elementary, middle, and high school.  "Jessica is a great student but talks too much during class."  I got better at controlling it in high school. College was even better. I started to learn when it was appropriate to speak and better to sit quietly. Unfortunately, just because you get better at controlling your tongue, doesn't mean you master it.  I recently had an "oops" moment. I let my mouth fly off the handle. My words were careless. I spoke for a reaction and not a purpose. As soon as I spoke, I wished I could just reverse the clock and have a do-over of that situation. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that, although sometimes I wish it did. Nobody mentioned anything in the moment so I hoped my careless comments had slipped by without anyone taking notice. But that's not the way things work either. You speak and people listen. It's such a blessing and a curse. A woman that was there when I spoke and is sort of a mentor to me pulled me aside yesterday and corrected me. It stung, but I also know it was necessary. She wasn't mad at me, she just values me enough to correct me and hold me accountable to the things I say and do. I instantly took full responsibility for what I said but my first reaction was, "Get me out of here." I have a pretty weird reaction to accountability. I love it. I love that my friends love me enough to care about the things I say and do, but I never want to let people down so I am terrified of when I have to own up to things. For a twenty six year old woman, I still can act like a child a lot of the time.  I wish that I always made the right choice 100% of the time. I wish that the things I said were always good and lovely. I wish that my thoughts were always pure and Godly. I wish that I was better than I am, but I'm not. I'm just trudging through this world making one flip comment at a time and then tuckin' my tail. It's good to always be learning and growing, but sometimes I wish it didn't hurt like it does. 

never trust the snow

Despite the misleading title of this blog, I am not super adventurous. I long to be more adventurous (see what I did there?) but I often allow fear to keep me at bay. This weekend, a group of my friends decided to go skiing. I made excuses right away for why I couldn't go. 
Oh, I would but I don't have snow stuff.
I should really work on my paper. 
I'm not any good. 
Isn't it foolish how fear can keep us from doing really small things? Honestly, I was afraid I wouldn't be good and was afraid I'd embarrass myself. I got a sudden burst of bravery, or rather, I came to my senses and said, "Sure! Count me in!" I called up a friend to borrow some snow gear and headed up to 'ol Bogus Basin with my pals on Sunday evening. 
I haven't skied since I was just a wee lass. I am pretty sure the last time I went was before I was in second grade, so yeah, you could say it's been a while. I did go snowboarding once in high school but that one time was enough to keep me from wanting to try it again. I didn't get out of bed the next day because I was so sore from toppling down the mountain. I thought instead of subjecting myself to that torture again, I'd try my hand at skiing again. 
My friends are lovely people, but they are not the greatest of teachers. I hopped on my skis and hit the bunny slope with my friend Justin, who had never skied before. We rode the magic carpet up, obviously. There was no way I was getting on the lift. Last time I went on a lift, I fell off and got smacked in the back of the head with the chair part. It was not my most glamorous moment. The magic carpet was right up my alley. The first time I rode down the hill, I handled it like a champ. I was feeling pretty good about myself and came dangerously close to renaming myself, "Picabo Street." I hopped up on the magic carpet again, but my second run didn't go as seamlessly as my first. I started going so fast and had no idea how to slow myself down let alone stop, so instead of running straight into a the base of the life (which was dead ahead), I decided to throw myself down into the snow. Real classy. I tried to hop right up, but there's something oddly unnatural about having giant slick sticks attached to your feet. It makes normal tasks incredibly difficult. My friends laughed at me while I tried to get up and then a very nice lady tried to help me up. It didn't work very well so I took off my skis, got up, and put them back on. My third run looked exactly like the second run, fall and all, and a very handsome red jacketed stranger tried to help me up. I said, "Leave me here. I don't want anyone to see me like this." He chuckled awkwardly and then proceeded to bear hug me up. Thank you, Angel in red, and yes, yes I will be your wife. 
I continued to fall a ton because I'm just not super great at anything that causes feet to lose touch with the ground. After a lot of falling, getting back up, and riding the magic carpet, our group decided to ride the lift up to the lodge at the top of the mountain for some food. I was told that there was an easy path down the mountain and I stupidly believed my friends. I know, I'm a fool. The ride up the lift went exactly as you could imagine it did. I fell while trying to get off and the operator stopped things immediately and ran up to me to make sure I was okay. Dazed and slightly embarrassed, I laughed it off and proceeded to hobble with one ski on to the side to regroup. I decided to take both skis off and walk down to the lodge because the hill was just so steep. I knew I could ski down it, but I also knew I couldn't stop and that I would just end up slamming into something or falling again. 
The time in the lodge was a welcomed break from the treacherous outside. We laughed, ate, and swapped stories. It was great. I knew time was coming for us to head back outside and I just wasn't feeling it, so I asked a strange man if I could ride down back to the base of the mountain with him in his van. I know, I know. I'm an idiot. This kind man said yes, but my friends told me I wasn't allowed to do that. I got back into my skis and said a quick prayer. It was time to get down that bad boy. I went down the "easy" path with my friends Mary and Justin. The rest of our group were basically Olympians and went down the hard path. No thank you. I fell two times within the first five minutes and couldn't get back up. I laughed so hard but was also super frustrated. I reconsidered ditching all my gear and going to find the nice man who so sweetly offered to drive me down in the woods, in the snow, and in the dark. What a gem, right? 
There seemed to be a little fork in the path and Mary told us to follow her, so Justin and I did. When your friend who has done something before tells you to follow her, you do. Here's where it starts to go so wrong. She actually led us off the path instead of keeping us on it. We fell into four feet of fresh snow. My skis were sticking straight up and I was crying laughing. It was a worst case scenario. Justin proceeds to fall and gets stuck in the snow. I attempt to come to his rescue to help him up but get stuck and fall as well. I almost slip off the side of the path. Mary is stuck in the snow. We're all laughing laughing so hard that we're almost soiling ourselves and some people begin to say some colorful words. If there was a camera on us, that clip would be the most popular thing on the internet. Our friends, who left us probably thirty minutes prior, decide to come look for us because we've taken way too long. They find us. They laugh at us. I fall again. We finally get down probably twenty minutes later. What should have been a ten minute trip turned into an almost hour long adventure. 
I am essentially the Luis Mendoza of skiing. I didn't (and still don't) know how to stop. No one taught me. I thought it would come naturally. That's not really the case. Oh, and somewhere in all of my falling, I got a concussion. Yep, my head had been hurting the past couple of days so I went to the doctors and they administered a test which essentially told me, "Girl- you be concussed." It's not super serious, unless I still have pain in a couple days. If that's the case, ciao. It's been nice knowing you. See you on the other side, brother. 
All in all, it was a great memory and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Even getting stuck in the snow, in the dark, where I'm pretty sure we narrowly escaped being eaten to death by mountain creatures. I'd just wear a helmet this time. 

what's the word?

I've seen a couple posts floating around about people picking words to be a theme for their year. I was particularly inspired by this post by Erin. I began to think what sort of word or phrase I would want, but kept coming back to other ones that I had already seen people choose for themselves. I didn't want to be a copycat (that's still a term I use regularly) so I kept thinking, trying to find something that I felt like I was being called to.
I wanted a pretty word, something exciting, something that actually could capture what I wanted for 2014. I wanted something that would be pretty to blog about, something that would seem glamorous. I'm so flawed, my friends. I wanted to impress you, and that what was shaping my word search. 
The word that was pressed upon my heart after genuine thought and prayer was not a word that I had considered, but the more I think about it, it is exactly what the Lord is calling me to and what needs to shape my 2014:
Obedience. 
Oh my. I am such a silly creature. I wanted something impressive and pretty but what God gave me was the opposite of what my heart wanted, yet somehow exactly what I need. I need (and what I know my soul craves) is obedience... obedience to my Creator. 
Pastor Chris Brown says, "Obedience is the highest form of worship" and I agree with him wholeheartedly. When I am being obedient to what God is calling me to do, that is when I am worshipping Him most and honoring Him. When I decide to do what I want, regardless of the consequences, I am disobeying. Luckily, my God has an infinite supply of grace. Thank goodness because if there were any sort of cap on grace for the world, it would be all used on me because I am so flawed. 
This year I am going to be obedient, to go where God calls me, and do what I know He is asking of me. I know that I will fail many times, but hopefully I get there in the end. 
Did you pick a word or theme for the year?

take another little piece of my heart now baby

I've been thinking about the whole concept of guarding my heart lately. Our hearts are such tender things, they are so sweet and delicate. They are capable of loving in a way that seems infinite but pales in comparison to the way that our Lord loves us.  I have younger sisters that are like babies to me. I was nine when they were born. There's always been a bond between myself and them that's been equal parts sister and momma bear. They've also sort of developed into my 'test.' I sometimes gauge the things I think, say, and do of whether or not I would want them to mirror my behaviors. If the answer is no, I try my darndest to cease what I'm doing. My biggest prayer for those girls is that their heart would never know brokenness or bitterness, that their hearts would always be as beautiful and full as they are now. 
In this world, there are so many entities that will try to take little pieces of your heart under the guise of being harmless. There are boys who will woo you and say beautiful words that will make you feel special. They can sometimes ask you to do things you aren't comfortable with, but you'll want to do it because they want to. You'll want to keep those beautiful words flowing so you'll say yes. Then, after a little bit of time, your heart will begin to hurt. You'll realize that you gave a piece of your heart to someone who didn't want (or deserve) the entire thing. 
There are things that you can do that you know you shouldn't- things that you wouldn't do if your momma was around and surely wouldn't want your little sisters to know about. They are the things you spend endless amounts of time justifying because you are desperately trying to convince yourself that it's okay. Those things you do in hiding, those things take pieces of your heart too. 
There are people you surround yourself with, people who don't make you want to be a better person. They are people who don't emulate the fruits of the spirit and don't care if you do either. The people you surround yourself with have this funny way of rubbing off on you. You begin to say their words, take their tone, and act like them. This is a wonderful thing if you surround yourself with good people, but this is a dangerous thing when you surround yourself with people with a lackluster character. When you cheapen yourself into not being who you were created to be, you give little pieces of your heart to the people that you allow to be an influence upon yourself. 
My heart hasn't been completely whole lately. I've done things I'm not proud of and given my heart to things & people who are undeserving. The goodness of God's grace is that it's never too late. It's never too late to reclaim your heart, to stand for more, and to be whole in Him. 
In this new year, I resolve to be more careful with my heart. To not give it so freely, to let it love and be loved, but to guard it, and not in a way that shields it from the natural parts of life, but in a way that empowers me to live in the way I should. 

the first semester: a recap

At noon today, I finished my first semester as the resident director of the freshmen girls dorm. There are a lot of things that surprised me about the past four months. Some things were good surprises, some things were hard surprises. But, as I look back over these past couple of months, I am overwhelmed with how good they were. The good always outweighed the bad. Even in moments of defeat, there was always someone who offered an encouraging word without knowing how important those words were in that moment. One of the more difficult lessons that I've learned is how to successfully be a boss. There are seven very different young ladies on my staff and each one of them have different strengths and different weaknesses. This means that my approach with each one is unique. It can't be the same because they aren't all the same. Unfortunately, I've learned that the hard way a couple of times. In addition to learning how to effectively guide different personalities has been learning how to toe the balance between boss and friend. When you live and work in the same environment, lines are blurred. Girls are in my home, I am in their home, we experience life together and that makes our bond very close. At the end of the day, I am in charge of them and have to remember that I'm not their friend. We get to be friendly, but I can't interact with them in the same way that I would interact with a friend.  Some of the best moments have been the unexpected moments: the times where you're up till two am just laughing about life, sharing stories about boys, and seeing everyone's distinct and fun personalities. I look at this group of girls that live in this dorm and I'm just blown away. They are so funny, talented, caring, and creative. They are just incredible. My RA's? I could go on forever. They are the biggest blessings. I didn't choose them but God surely provided the loveliest group of girls to help me through this year. I took them out to brunch on Sunday and told them that I never expected to fall in love with them. I knew I would like them and knew that we would have fun together, but I really do love them.  What have I learned about myself this semester? I've learned that I need to be gracious with myself. It's okay to need do-overs. It's okay to need second chances. It's okay to fail. I need grace on a daily basis, and that's okay. I've also learned that I have to take time for myself. I need to get a good night of sleep. I need to take hot baths filled with epsom salts and listen to relaxing music. I need to sometime lock the door to my apartment and spend quality time with Netflix. I really value time spent alone and I've realized that if I am not giving myself an adequate amount of time alone that I can't effectively care for the girls. I can't pour into them when I'm empty.  The first thing I did after the girls all checked out was ate a delicious lunch and took a two hour nap. It was the perfect way to start off this break. Next week, I head home for a wonderful twelve day break. I'm excited for warmth, sunshine, and sister time.

thankfulness

Oh friends, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays! There is just something that warms my heart when people gather together and share thanks for their numerous blessings. Unfortunately, I won't be spending the holiday with my immediate family, but luckily I have family here in Idaho that is providing me with a delicious meal and a cozy environment. This will be the third Thanksgiving I've spent away from home, but one of the things I am so thankful for is that I've had a really great community around me to make me feel "at home" even when I'm away from home. 

In addition to the things I gave thanks for last year, here are some of the things I am thankful for this year, in no particular order of course: 

1. Sisterhood

To me, sisterhood is not only the bond between blood sisters, but just the solid, unbreakable, beautiful bond between sistafriends. I am so grateful to have sistas from otha mista that are just like blood. I think that because I now work with 147 women, I appreciate true sisterhood more than ever. I think it takes maturity to be able to truly be a friend to another woman- you have to abandon jealousy, comparison, and celebrate one another entirely. 

2. Coffee

Oh coffee, I'm so thankful for you. You wake me up gently in the morning, you are the coziest beverage around (tea & cocoa ain't got NOTHIN' on coffee), and you take on many flavors. I'm currently sipping on some Thanksgiving blend from Starbucks (oh gosh it is so good) with a dash of pumpkin spice creamer and eating a donut. Can you even imagine a more perfect morning? Not only am I thankful for the delicious taste of coffee, I'm thankful for the community that happens around coffee. In a small town, like Nampa, so many of my "get togethers" with friends happen at our local coffeehouse, The Flying M Coffee Garage. To me, there's nothing more lovely than getting together with a friend over a cup of coffee and a sweet treat. You lose all track of time and before you know it, the faces at the tables around you have changed many times and your cup has been empty longer than it was full. 

3. Taste Buds

I know that there are people who have the unfortunate curse of not being able to taste food, I (THANK GOODNESS) am not one of those people! I taste. I taste a lot! I am currently tasting my coffee. I hope to taste some quiche for lunch today. What a bland world it would be if nothing had flavor. 

4. Sparkles

I firmly believe in the power of sparkles. I realize how goofy that sounds, but I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am positive that they have healing powers. Having a bad day? Put a coat of glitter on your nails and your bad day has become your best day! Experiencing heart ache? Put on that sparkly dress and it's like a bandaid was put right over the fracture. I have a pair of glitter flats that just seem to make dull days bright again! 

5. Education

I'm so grateful to have received a great, well rounded education. Though I'm still paying that education off, and will be for a while, it was worth every penny I spent. I was lucky enough to have professors who cared about me holistically- they invested in me both inside of and outside of the classroom. I am now getting my Master's in Social Work. I have about two years ahead of me until I graduate which feels like forever, but in two years I will be a master. You will all call me master (at least once, please) and I will be the proud new owner of a piece of paper that equips me to do things I can't do now. 

I pray that this holiday season, you are surrounded by love and have numerous reasons to give thanks. I know that in some seasons of life, giving thanks is more difficult, but I encourage you to find the blessings in every day life. I've been there. I've struggled to see the silver lining or to find things to give thanks for, but they are there. I promise. What are you thankful for? 

it's the freakin' weekend

Because my job is so crazy and there's always a chance that I could be up in the middle of the night or making emergency room trips on the weekend (five times since September!), I attempt to take moments of relaxation whenever they are presented. Luckily, weekends have calmed down a bit and I get them (mostly) to myself. 

This weekend was quiet, or at least it has been so far, and I spent my Saturday crafting, drinking coffee, and listening to some new music. I wanted to share a little project with you because it's SO STINKIN' EASY and you guys know I'm all about the easy crafts. I like to call this project, "Make Magnets." 

Here's what you'll need:

Magnets (I picked the ones with adhesives on the back)

Mod Podge

Glass disc bulby things (Can be found near the tinier guys that you'd put in a fish bowl)

A paintbrush or a sponge thing

Scrapbook paper

A cup of coffee in a Narnia mug

The last item on that list is optional, but trust me, it makes the process so much more enjoyable. Sidenote- one of my resident's mamma's blessed me with a Starbucks gift card and a package of Thanksgiving Blend. Thanksgiving Blend is perfect. I am currently sipping on some right now and it's perfect. 

Are you ready for the directions? Trace the little disc bulbs (what are they even really called?) on your scrapbook paper, cut it out (oh yeah- you'll need scissors), and then glue it on to the flat side of the disc with the mod podge. After that is completely dried, stick a magnet on the back and VOILA! You've got a cute new set of magnets. 

Here's where I tell you how to learn from my mistakes. See that super cute glitter paper? I did not work because it was too thick. You need more pliable paper that will adhere to the disc. The green paper that I have down there is also more of a cardstock and didn't stick easily either. I purchased magnets that already had adhesive on the back of them and they did not work. The glass was too heavy for it and they slid off of my fridge causing me to become very frustrated. I recommend buying heavy duty magnets and using a glue gun to keep them on. I ended up finding some better magnets and now they aren't slipping off of my fridge. 

After you finish the easiest project of all time, you are left with some super cute magnets that hold up super cute pictures of your super cute friends. 

This project was super cheap and would be a fun little gift to add into a hostess gift or something. I do have to admit that I was inspired to make this from my friend who has these all over her fridge. She's used glitter, letters, and scrapbook paper and no matter how different they are, they don't seem to conflict! 

I hope you all had a lovely weekend. Although mine was enjoyable, I am anxious for it to pass because on Wednesday, my baby sister arrives and I get to spend six whole days with her! My heart is just in a complete state of anticipation as I await the arrival of Sophia! It's been 108 days since I've seen her, and for anyone that has a sister, you know that's just unacceptable.