January 31, 2013

i feel pretty, oh so pretty

Have you guys ever been told that you look like a celebrity and you're really flattered? That's always the best feeling.

Have you ever been told that you look like a celebrity and you're absolutely horrified? IT'S THE WORST. It's especially the worst if it's in a public place, someone else hears, and you're trying to laugh it off when all you really want to do is cry into your lemon sorbet. 

Woe is me.

Unfortunately, I've been compared to some less than stellar celebrities in my life. I was just reminded of this tonight when my dear bloggy friend Fran commented on one of my Instagram and compared to me a seriously lovely celebrity named Rena Sofer. Rena is absolutely gorgeous and although I think I look nothing like her, I'll take it. I'll take it because it's not Elton John.

Elton John? You heard me right. ELTON JOHN. One time, the internet (that stinkin' bully) told me that my celebrity face match was Elton John. There's nothing that will boost your confidence more than being told you look like an elderly, homosexual, chunky man. I love Elton. If you were comparing my piano playing skills to his, I'd be stoked beyond belief. But the fact of the matter is that no girl wants to be told the only celebrity she looks like is Elton John.

Another one that wasn't my favorite was when I was told I looked like Anne Hathaway. I know that you're thinking any comparison to Anne Hathaway is a great comparison, but not when the person distinguishes that you're pre-makeover Princess Diaries Anne Hathaway.

Need a reminder?

I think this one is not the best to hear because it's so accurate. That was me. I'm just scarred and I hate hearing this because out of all celebrities, I'm convinced I look most like pre-hairbrush break Princess Mia. WOE IS ME. AGAIN. WOE IS ME.

I decided to see if the internet would be any kinder to me this evening, would it suddenly tell me that I look like Connie Britton or Kristen Wiig? Would I have left my days of Elton John behind me and become a dead ringer for Adriana Lima? I was confident that I'd be pleasantly surprised with my results tonight.

Oh Jess, you foolish, foolish girl.

Do you guys see this? I am a 71% match for Jack Osbourne. I actually have a picture of Jack Osbourne and I together but I can't bring myself to post it because I hate that we're basically twins. I can't look at it ever again without the realization that he is my doppleganger.

AND JIANG ZEMIN? Really, Universe? I really look like a Chinese politician WHO IS A MAN?!

Here I am with my wife just having a blast with the Bush's. Best friends forever.
So here I am, a 25 year old girl, and the best the internet can give me is Elton John, Jack Osbourn, and Jiang Zemin. Thanks a lot Universe. Hope you're having a good laugh. Real mature.  

Who have you been told you look like? I want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly... or if you're me, the bad, bad, and the bad. 


  1. You are so much braver than I am. I want to do that test, BUT WHAT IF ROSIE O'DONNELL APPEARS. I just...I can't.


    1. I am Jiang because I did it again (different picture, different positioning) and I got the same result. Jiang and I were separated at birth and I must come to terms with it!

  2. Ummm you definitely do not look like a man. For reals.

    I get told I look like Kristen Stewart probably once a week. I do NOT take it as a compliment.

    1. Kristen Stewart isn't bad! You could definitely have worse, but also, she does have that cranky mug on her face all day so it might not be the best one you'd ever hear :)

  3. You look 0% like any of those men. Good grief. Just remember the internet is a dirty liar.

    I got Anne Hathaway too, but from a 5 year old when I was a camp counselor, asking if I was in "that princess movie." So who knows whether it was pre- or post-hairbrush. I'd love to think post, but I remember that summer being pretty low-maintenance, if you know what I mean.

    1. If it was at camp, you might just be pre hairbrush which is okay because we can become beautiful post hairbrush Princess Mia! There's hope for all of us!

  4. I completely LOST it at Jiang Zemin. What are the chances!?


    1. The chances are so high that I used another picture and got him again. I am destined to be Jiang!

  5. Try it again, using a picture WITHOUT your glasses on...

  6. I think the Rena Sofer comparison is spot on, while the internet-generated lookalikes completely missed the mark. Maybe you should stick to the opinions of real people instead of technology. ;)

    I've been told I look like Kirsten Dunst, Laura Prepon, and Bernadette from The Big Bang Theory. I feel like all of those actresses look completely different, aside from the fact that two of them are blonde, so I have no idea.

  7. Oh...my...gosh this cracked me the hell up, thank you for making my morning.

    If it counts, I always get Courtney Love. YIKES

  8. You totally look like that first girl. She is gorgeous and so are you!
    Elton John? The internet knows NOTHING.


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