November 18, 2012

the battle for satisfied singleness

This post has been on my heart for quite a while. In the last couple days, my desire to write all of these thoughts down has been amplified, specifically due to reading this article and conversations with friends. 
I am single. I am 24 years old and rapidly approaching my 25th birthday. There are no "prospects" nor is their anyone that I'm interested in being pursued by.
Most of my friends are married or in relationships. 
That is okay too.
We are different. They are not better, nor am I better. Our situations are different.
I think it is especially difficult to be single and "satisfied" in Christian communities. I wouldn't say I feel pressured, but I get asked about boys, relationships, and timelines quite a bit. My family, God bless their hearts, seem perplexed as to why I am not in a relationship. I feel like any time there is an extended family get together, the questions begin to pour in and I start to feel self conscious of the fact that I'm single. 
I love the fact that I am so loved by my family and friends that they seem perplexed as to why no one has "snatched me up." That's very sweet of them to think so highly of me, but maybe I am not ready to be "snatched up." Don't get me wrong, I love the institution of marriage. I believe in it, oh boy do I believe in it! I have had great examples shown to me of marriage, love, and sacrifice. I want to get married. It is one of the deepest desires of my heart, but I do not, in any way shape or form, feel ready to date let alone be married. 
I think back to the last couple years and the things I've done, and how they wouldn't have been possible or would have been incredibly difficult to manage in a relationship or as a married woman. I was able to choose whatever college I wanted to attend, so I chose a college in Idaho. I fell in love with Idaho. After graduation I was able to move abroad for a year and teach English in Korea. When my time was up there, I was able to decide to move back to Idaho and begin pursuing a Master's. These are decisions I was able to make for myself without taking anyone else into consideration. 
I don't want to seem like I am painting a picture of being this single woman who never, ever wants to be part of a partnership. That's not my intention and it's definitely not reflective of my heart. I can't wait to be a wife and a mother. I love taking care of people, I have known my entire life that ultimately, I want to be a wife and a mother. I know that about myself, but I just don't know the timeline. I could write this entry, hit publish, and meet the man of my dreams today or I could still be single years from now. Both of these are okay.
I'm okay.
I'm okay not being in a relationship. I am so satisfied where life is right now and I am tired of feeling like I'm not allowed to be satisfied with being single or that my life would be more complete if I were in a relationship. I love my friends that are married, I love them individually and I love them as part of a union. Do I want that eventually? You bet your bottom dollar! Do I want that right now? No gracias.

I whole heartedly believe that there is a season for everything and that our seasons do not always occur simultaneously. This is my season of singleness. This is my season to travel the world, cultivate friendships, go to school, and invest in the wonderful community I am part of. There will come an end to specific things in this season, but their end will make it possible for a new season full of new adventures to enter. 
I am so glad I got that off my chest. 


  1. You are enough because you are an amazing gal :)

    It's sometimes tough to come to terms with being single but I'm glad you are & you're happy. Believe me, your time will come & with it will come a fantastic hottie.

  2. I agree wholeheartedly with this post. There are things that single people can achieve that are a lot harder to do when you have to consider someone else's needs. Not that considering someone else's needs will be a problem when I find the right person, but until then I'm not worrying about it. I'm looking up that article now...

  3. This post is wonderful. Many women today are so caught up with NOT being in a relationship or being married, and they miss out on a lot and miss a season that is so valuable. You've got it right it girl, and maybe some will see that their season of singleness is the perfect season to explore, get to know themselves better and grow closer to God. Happy Thanksgiving!

  4. wonderful post. in my opinion, when one is comfortable being on their own, they have more successful relationships because they know that being in a relationship doesn't automatically change "I" into "we". when you love being on your own and are comfortable being in your own skin, it's easier to maintain that balance of relationships, friends and family instead of always being attached at the hip to your significant other.

    you have all the time in the world to settle down; for now, enjoy life as it comes to you and you won't regret it! ps - once you do settle down, it'll be questions such as "when are you getting married" to "when are you having babies"... it never ends!!

  5. This is such a great post Jess. I am so happy to hear that God has given you a heart of contentment! You've been able to do SO many amazing things in the past few years and you have so much more ahead of you.

    Looking forward to following your journey!


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